Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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