Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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