We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
