the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
