In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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