Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
