is your mom at the bar?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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