Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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