I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well you can't waste a boner
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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