first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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