I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
