a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
