So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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