i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
