he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i can't believe i had my finger in that
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
