Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
