one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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