if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
