Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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