I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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