WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you win again, gameday.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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