just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
