I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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