Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My penis needs a shock collar
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
