no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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