Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
