Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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