If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
