did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
