don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
