You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
