Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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