her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So many bounce houses so little time
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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