Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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