It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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