Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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