The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
