Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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