i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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