stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do plants get herpes?
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