He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
