Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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