Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
