Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
