My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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