dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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