Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
