cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
