I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
