I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize