Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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