Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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