I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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