can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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