fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
