Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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