So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
