I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
