rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
