he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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