No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize