I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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