I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
