They should really pass out barf bags in church
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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