it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
