my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
