i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize