how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
