I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
