did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
