what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
