I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
