You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
