i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
