I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
