My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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