I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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