We're facebook friends in real life
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
