i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
