I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
