The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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