i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
